I’m currently sitting in a Denny’s on Broad Street. It’s 10:27 a.m. but I’ve been here since 9:43 a.m…

Sadly, I made an effort to be here before 10 a.m. so that I could take advantage of their $3.99 Grand Slam deal that was $2.99 when I came last week.

Yeah, I was here last week…So what? People get hungry.

Anyway, Denny’s before 10 a.m. during the week is a sad place. Actually, Denny’s at any point in the day is a sad place but especially so before 10 a.m. Everyone seems beaten down. No one smiles…It’s like Christmas with the Clintons.

That being said, it makes complete sense. Seriously, think about it. The people working here are angry they have to work at Denny’s. The people dining at Denny’s are – for the most part – angry that they’re eating at a Denny’s…And those who aren’t angry about Denny’s are furious about some other aspect of their lives.

Denny’s should sell tension as a special.

I refuse to believe that my server Dave didn’t once have hopes and dreams that he longed to fulfill…Only, at some point he gave up and dropped out of art school. Or he knocked up his cousin. I don’t know, I’m not Dionne Warwick…Either way, he gave up his dreams and started slinging sausage and he doesn’t strike me as a happy go lucky man.

(By the way, I was shocked to have a male waiter…and yes, I realize that’s vaguely sexist…and by “vaguely” I mean absolutely sexist…but this is still fascinating to me…)

Hence why I come to Denny’s…Sure, like everyone else, I like pancakes but the motivation to make some moves thereby preventing me from working there in the future is really the biggest reason.

Because really, isn’t the motivation to not fail way more powerful than the motivation to succeed? I think so. I pretty much wake up every day hoping not to fail and make my decisions accordingly. Go ahead and try it for yourself…It works…I definitely don’t think I’m a failure…I mean, minus the being unemployed thing. 

Therefore, despite what The Bernstein Bears taught you, sometimes it’s acceptable to talk to strangers. For instance, if you aren’t sure what you’re doing with your life, it helps to ask your fellow diner at Denny’s if they’d be so inclined to tell you a bit about their lives. Seriously, you can learn a lot. Like how important an education is…or how addictive crystal meth is…Point is, the lessons are there for you to take.

So if you happen to catch me in there please don’t bother me: I’m trying to find the secret to success…