You know that cheesy cliché, “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV?” Well, that genius line from an ‘80s Vicks Formula 44 commercial could be the magic bullet for solving this country’s healthcare reform debate.

And who would you trust more to remove that magic bullet than a 14-year-old boy doctor with a love for video games and a stereotypical Italian buddy? We’re talking about you, Doogie Howser.

There have been few head-scratching policy issue debates as fuzzy as healthcare reform. Part of me wonders if we can’t look at Hollywood for some inspiration. After all, we’ve had talented actors, writers and directors playing make believe in doctor’s offices and hospitals at least since Dr. Kildare hit the screen back in 1961.

In honor of the late Sen. Ted Kennedy, and all of the politicos, lobbyists, pharma czars and uninsured families of 8, here’s a look at how TV and Hollywood can solve our healthcare ails much better than some cheap Canadian drugs or a recycled Band-Aid.

Put a gym – and a tanning booth – in all medical schools.
Apparently, 5 o’clock shadows and rock-hard abs have a special healing power. George Clooney and John Stamos taught us as much in “E.R.” These sure-handed docs were cool under pressure and willing to risk reprimand and messing up their hair in order to save lives – thanks in large part to their good looks. Of course, this theory does have the exception, proven by the Fat Boys in “Disorderlies” (1987). If you can get three bumbling, morbidly obese best friends / rappers to be your live-in nurses, by all means do it.

Encourage fraternization.
Piggy-backing on the gym idea, all doctors, nurses, residents and drug reps under your roof will be making whoopee. At least we’ve learned as much in “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Scrubs.” And kind of like WWE head Vince McMahon encouraged players and cheerleaders to date in his defunct XFL, we might as well embrace the idea of those in the medical profession making super babies who will be able to perform flawless vasectomies on their own fathers shortly after coming out of the womb. On the downside, let's get rid of all bed pans, as feuding lovers love to throw things.

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Laughter is the best medicine…
…Unless, of course, you’re trying to work out a kidney stone. But the men of “M*A*S*H” taught us on the big screen and small screen that even when morale was down, telling a amputee G.I. that he couldn’t go home to his family until he played hopscotch with them was still funny. On the lighter side, you had “Patch Adams” (1998) making sick kids bust a gut with big floppy shoes and squirting flowers. For this reason, all medical students will now be required to read Paul Riser’s “Couplehood,” join a local improv group and come up with their own snappy one-liners to be uttered upon finishing any medical procedure. (My suggestion: “Take two of these, and don’t call me in the morning.” Then you smack them over the head with a rotary phone.)

Serve Cuban sandwiches in the hospital cafeteria.
Despite the best efforts of Michael Moore and his “SiCKO” (2007) flick, we may not adopt a universal style of medicine that he lauded under the rule of Castro in his slickly produced documentary. But the U.S. government is all about unique legislative compromises. So while we may not get Cuba’s universal healthcare, what about a free Cuban sandwich for every hospital patient? Roast pork, ham, Swiss and pickles are delicious – and hopefully have magical healing powers – when served in a buttered plancha. Heck, maybe we can get Cuban cigars in the gift shop, too.

I really think we have a good start. Having good looking doctors who are encouraged to procreate with one another could help solve our nation’s physician shortage. If nothing else, laughing is great cardio exercise. And everyone loves a delicious Cuban sandwich. Now, if we can just find inspiration to build a robot army to take down the insurance companies...