The cat and mouse game played by the world's most prolific bank robber and the first big-time FBI agent isn't worth a slice of government cheese.

"Public Enemies" is a lifeless, listless Tommy Gun-athon. The world's most beloved bank robber is supposed to be a Robin Hood who forgets to give back the cash. A Depression Era anti-hero who charms the ladies and cajoles Johnny Law. But here he’s a boring creep.

Granted, Johnny Depp is only given give a thin script and a bad (and thin) mustache to make his portrayal of John Dillinger a dandy one, but he’s still outdone by whoever played Dillinger in the “dramatically recreated” scenes of the History Channel’s one-hour Dillinger Cliff’s Notes.

Meanwhile, as stoic federal agent and worst name champion Melvin Pervis, Christian Bale plods around the screen shooting things and speaking in boring, monotone sound bytes for the second straight movie. At least he broke a sweat in “Terminator: Salvation.”

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Director Michael Mann is usually a crime story ace, but there is a lot to be desired here. Dillinger is never made into the public hero he really was to millions of Depression Era poor, pathetic souls. All we needed was one scene where the outlaw tosses a dime to a one-legged kid roasting his cat at a homeless camp. Also, many of the buck-toothed thugs who ride shotgun with Dillinger on heists are pushed and pulled back into the frame so herky-jerk that it’s tough to track them, especially considering that the entire film is shot with this distracting dark and murky quality.

Even the ho-hum robberies are boring in “Public Enemies.” Maybe it’s because they were so simple back then compared to the bank jobs and intricate heists in “Heat” – you just pointed the gun at a teller, and occasionally pulled the trigger. Maybe it’s also due to inflation – it’s hard to feel the ecstasy and adrenaline rush of a death-defying caper that nets eight grand. Whoopee, you can buy a used Kia now. 

I won’t make the obvious hack joke about “Public Enemies” stealing from moviegoers – oops. But if you want to see a decent cat and mouse story, watch “Catch Me If You Can.” Or the History Channel. Or simply throw on an overcoat, take a few bucks out of the ATM, run away for no reason once your transaction is completed, then make out with a stranger. Whammy….you just made movie magic.


"Public Enemies," rated R and weighing in at 140 minutes, is now playing nationwide.

Mike gives the movie one and a half stars out of four. Check out "Screen Scene" twice a week for what's hot (and not) on the big screen and small screen.